Mikey Visits Cali...

As his Christmahanakwanzadanstice gift we flew my brother out here with one of Jess' frequent flyer tickets for the event. I had to work the show with the fish tank on wheels anyway, so it was a no-brainer to have Mikey there. Besides, we hadn't seen eachother since.... hmmmm... I don't even remember when.

From the airport I took him directly to La Piñata (it's the first restaurant I found on my trip out here for my interview last year). After breaking his Atikins diet with burritos and chips, we headed to the Swap Meet for some authentic Oakland culture. The find of the day was a full propane tank for 20 bucks. Jess had suggested getting one for the earthquake survival kit, so I brought it home.

Mike was impressed by the fruit and veggie stands, which are always loaded with super cool Central and South-American specialties (tomatillo, sugar cane, chayote)... so we took some photos for him to use for teaching vocab to his Spanish classes.

But if he was impressed with the Swap Meet, what would he think of Chinatown?

Live fish markets? Check!

Tea with tapioca balls in it? CHECK!

Chinatown is a dream come true for us lovers of all things different and cultural. Of course he was so excited that I had to take photos for him of the fish markets, and the dried shark fins (on a quite disturbing and related note, later during Mike's visit I overheard a woman from Kentucky on a city tour with us bragging to her mom about the shark fin soup she'd recently had at a place in the City. I was saddened that someone from the good ol' USA was not aware of or perhaps not concerned with the problem with slicing the fins off a shark and leaving it for dead... the shark fin photo really is disturbing to me, and I'm sure they would have kicked us out if they'd seen me taking the picture. If you click it and see it full size, you can see the prices. We saw some that were nearly DOUBLE these prices, and thus the reason this is such a huge problem)...

The next morning I got started on a batch of IPA I'd been meaning to brew. It was Mike's first time brewing at all, and my first time doing beer on my own.

Before heading to the Expo, we stopped at the Oakland farmers market. Again, Mike was mystified. I took him to the Bolani guys, and they just kept forcing samples on us. Usually there are enough people around that you don't feel guilty about it, but this time I decided it was worth the $20 bucks to get some food for later on. Meanwhile we also picked up some oranges and a Jerusalem artichoke (it's a root veggie that tastes similar to an artichoke, just without the thistles).

The Expo was pretty cool. I had a lot of work to do, but Mike helped me and my staff for a few minutes with setting up, and then he was off to explore.

When we got home that night, Jess and I planned to take him to Petar's to see Diamond Dave (refer to November Visitors Part Deux). We quite literally dragged Mike along with us. He was so tired we had to put him to sleep in the car while we got our groove on. He slept in the next day when I went to work, and enjoyed a trip to the Lake Merritt farmers market with Jess before they both came out to San Mateo for the Expo again.

Mike got his revenge on me Saturday night, when after the longest day of the three-day Expo he and Jess and our friend Jason dragged me to see Avatar. I was shocked that I was able to stay awake for the whole thing. If it hadn't been for the visuals I definitely would have slept through it. What a crap plot! It's like A Man Called Horse, Dances With Wolves, and every other movie about the plight of native peoples, only with bright colors and insane CG effects. The 3-D helps a lot too.

Sunday we finished up the show. I don't know why Mike was so surprised the day before when he made the finals for the Best of the West fly casting competition. He's been fly fishing so long that he's starting to have serious problems with his casting arm. At the finals on Sunday he hit the hardest cast, and everyone there applauded. Heads turned. It was pretty darn cool.

When we ended the day, we had a bit of time to kill until the tank could be moved. We spent it helping the guys at the neighboring fishing pool break down their setup, which meant wrangling and separating their trout and channel catfish. I was the only person there with boots, and I hopped in and got to business. I ended up soaked (you can see why below)...

We got home late and grilled a catfish from our wrangling to go with some veggies Jess had cooked. I felt it was only fair that I should eat a catfish after having busted my @$$ and even gotten my finger chomped on by one in the process...

Monday we took a tour of San Francisco and Muir Woods. Jess has been looking into starting a similar kind of business, so it was a good way to explore and do some market research.

We had a great time around the city. In Muir Woods Jess tried to communicate with the trees and ferns with her Avatar hair braids....

Later, we went to Golden Gate Park to check out a casting pond that's apparently one of the oldest (if not THE oldest) fly casting clubs in the country. After playing there for a while, we went to find some food, which ended up being pho (VERY tasty Vietnamese soup), and then checked out what turned out to be the best pet shop I've found out here yet, before heading down to the beach to touch the Pacific ocean.

Tuesday the ocean theme continued with a drive down to Monterey Bay. We enjoyed a walk along the water before running through the Aquarium. Jess recently signed us up for a family membership, so we get to go whenever we want and we can take guests too. We had dinner at the wharf, and then drove home to call it a day.

Mike hopped a plane the next morning. It was a whirlwind tour, and he still has lots more to see and do next time he comes to visit!

"I'm sorry if this makes you uncomfortable, but..."

Let's face it. No sentence should EVER start that way. It's awkward, skin-crawling. So where would one hear it?

The conversation starts innocently enough... "I like your shoes," he says in a slight Hispanic accent. You know the white-haired, overweight guy walking next to you is just being friendly as he's coming up behind you on the path. "Are they good for walking?"

He's referring to your Crocks. They stand out quite well because it's winter. You're wearing brown hiking pants and a brown fleece, and the molded foam rubber around your feet is startlingly off-white in contrast. "They're comfortable," you say, wondering how new to the country this guy must be if he's never seen Crocks before. They tend to make anyone who wears them a tad like Ronald McDonald, without the makeup of course, but just as easy for anyone on the planet to identify.

"Do you walk in them much? Like, to work out?" he asks. You explain that you're just working off some extra holiday calories, but to be friendly you add that you used to work out more often and need to get back in shape. You used to row, which was one reason you moved near the lake here in Oakland, but you haven't been getting much exercise lately.

Some old hippie riding his bike along the top of the hill alongside the shoreline calls down "Hey Francisco! How was your New Year?!" Francisco, still walking next to you calls back with a reciprocal but curt response, and you deduce "So you've lived here long?"

He's been here a while, he says, and continues "You really don't look like you need to be working out. You're in good shape!"

While you're somewhat flattered, it would be a lot more meaningful coming from the tights-wearing 25 year old who just jogged by. Shouldn't she need a permit to conceal those things? You shrug your shoulders. "Eh, I could stand to lose a good 20 pounds."

"Well, I'm sorry if this makes you uncomfortable, but... I want to imagine you naked."

Did you really just hear this guy say that to you? Maybe he's actually just one of those woo-woo psychic power crystal healer people. They talk like that, right? You let all this process before saying politely "well, that makes me uncomfortable."

He doesn't take the hint. "Maybe you'd be interested in a massage? A little playing around?"

"NOT AT ALL."

And then, just in case you really are just playing hard to get... "I could offer you some money..."

As if you would respond "Well why didn't you say so in the first place?" Instead you just say the first thing that comes to mind...

"DEFINITELY NOT."

"Well, I see. I'm sorry. No hard feelings."

No. Definitely no hard feelings, thanks. In fact, please take your hard feelings elsewhere.

...Coming back around the lake 45 minutes later, you think maybe you'll run into Francisco again. Sure enough, here he comes, walking back from where you first saw him there by the "Children's Fairyland" sign.

He smiles at you. Gross.

You muster the gall to ask "Any luck?"

"None at all."

Quite sincerely you say "I'm so sorry for you," as you walk past.